my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
