Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
