you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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