i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
