is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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