I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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