I can't breathe out the right side of my face
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
