dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
smell my finger.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
