Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
