I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
