Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
