if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
