god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
