i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize