i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
