The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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