Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
