please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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