I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
