Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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