After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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