every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
