he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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