wrigley field is MILF paradise
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
