did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
