i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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