I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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