Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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