I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
