If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
