So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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