Already got asked if we're dating
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
