my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
