just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mom said you looked used
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
