You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
