my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
