Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
