the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
