there's paper in my vomit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize