got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
