good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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