so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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