you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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