Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The power of my boobs compel you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
