So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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