kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
