Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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