I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize