I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
