yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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