I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
