I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
