My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
