i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
