The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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