Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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