Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
