I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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