Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
