I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
