he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
