A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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