I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
