she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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