Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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