And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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