I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
