Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i've created a new STD.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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