i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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