Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
