Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
