I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
