i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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