I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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