their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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