I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
do herpes really smell.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
