I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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